Out of it.
I am truly happy for you. You deserve the bright future that is in store for you. All the work and effort that you’ve put into this has finally paid off.
At the same time, it is a stoic reminder for myself that I have been stuck in the same place for the past 6 months. Sure, certain parts of my life have progressed tremendously and I am definitely proud of those accomplishments.. but it seems the part that actually matters for the betterment of my life and my future is quite stagnant.
Granted, I’m not putting in as much effort as I should be. Why is that? It’s not that I avoid hardship. On the contrary, I face it every day in the gym. I push myself to physical and mental limits. Why is it that I can do that, but shy away from anything having to do with “real life?”
Once again, let’s revisit fear. Turns out I’m not afraid of the future and growing up (well, maybe a little bit). The fear dominating my life is a fear of failure. A fear of not living up to my own expectations and the expectations of others. I see challenges as a threat to my ego rather than a chance to try, a chance to learn. I am afraid of failure, and what better way to never fail than to never try.
I know I should be thinking about the future. The only this is, I’m not ready for the future. The future scares me. I’m terrified of what’s to come. Why is it that I’m afraid and others are excited?